Tap Dancing Morse Code
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Related Topics: crazy, imagine, Morse code, tap dancer, understand Category Archives: Humor
Effective Whistling
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
Related Topics: especially, fingers, whistle 
An Insult to Sewage
To say accounting for derivatives in America is a sewer is an insult to sewage.
Related Topics: accounting, America, derivatives, insult, sewage, sewer 
Do I Know You?
The only normal people are the ones you don’t know too well.
Related Topics: friends, friendship, normal, normal people, people, relationships 
How Would Apple Taste?
Nobody has tried to swallow us since I’ve been here. I think they are afraid how we would taste.
Related Topics: afraid, nobody, swallow, taste 
When Someone Hands You a Flyer
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.
Related Topics: flyer, hands, throw away 
To Share or Not to Share
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
Related Topics: four, Kit-Kat, more, people 
Assistant Cult Leader
I call myself the assistant cult leader.
Related Topics: assistant, call, cult, cult leader, leader 
New Sleepwear
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I’m going to have all my clothes made out of...
Related Topics: asleep, blankets, clothes, fall, fall asleep, night, sometimes 
An Ant Farm
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn’t grow shit.
Related Topics: ant, ant farm, farm, grow 
Typing Speed Test
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
Related Topics: fingers, missing, nine, slower, type, typewriter 
Three Learning Styles
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest...
Related Topics: electric fence, learning, learning styles, observation, reading 
Never Miss a Good Chance
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Related Topics: chance, opportunity, shut up, silence 
Reporting the Facts
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Related Topics: facts, government, jokes 
How to Spend Money
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.
Related Topics: buy things, impress, people, shopping, spending money 
Everyone Drinks Water
My works are like water. The works of the great masters are like wine. But everyone drinks water.
Related Topics: drink water, great masters, wine, works 
The Source of All Humor
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
Related Topics: humor, laughter, sorrow 
Honesty: The Lost Art
Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.
Related Topics: best, honesty, lost art 
Read Graphs Correctly
If I am reading this graph correctly—I’d be very surprised.
Related Topics: correctly, graphs, reading, surprised 
A Perfectly Wonderful Evening
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Related Topics: enjoyment, evening 
Don’t Miss Your Sleep
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Related Topics: days, long, sleep, sleep-deprevation, ten 
Decide Where You Belong
I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.
Related Topics: belong, belonging, Democrat, organized, political party 
What’s on Your Other Hand?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Related Topics: fingers, hands, on the other hand, other hand 
Be a Better Public Speaker
If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.
Related Topics: few words, public speaker, speaking, words 
Boating Enthusiasts
If you boat a lot, you’re known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don’t want...
Related Topics: boat, boating, boating enthusiast, enthusiast Soliciting Public Pledges
This is why organizations solicit public pledges. Hell, it’s the reason for the marriage ceremony.
Related Topics: ceremony, marriage, marriage ceremony, organizations, pledges, public, solicit, why 
Belt vs. Belt Loops
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which ones the real hero?
Related Topics: belt, belt loops, clothes, holds, loops, pants 
Can an Escalator Break?
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order...
Related Topics: break, broken, escalator, never, out of order, out-of-order sign, sign, stairs 
Pre-approved Jokes
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Related Topics: funny, jokes, pre-approved What Charlie Likes
I always like it when someone attractive to me agrees with me.
Related Topics: agrees, agrees with me, always, attractive, like, someone 
Human Pyramids
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
Related Topics: exist, human, once, pyramid, unnecessary 
Bigfoot Is Blurry
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. There’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
Related Topics: Bigfoot, blurry, countryside, monster, out-of-focus, problem, roaming 
Why You Should Like Rice
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Related Topics: hungry, rice 
When to Start Little League
I wish I could play little league now. I’d be way better than before.
Related Topics: baseball, better, little league 
Wearing a Turtleneck
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck...
Related Topics: backpack, down, guy, midget, strangled, turtleneck, weak, wearing 
How to Keep Your Pen
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Related Topics: caring, lose, pen, seven 
Unique Candle Holder
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.
Related Topics: cake, candle, holder, store 
